04 January 2015

Father's Fingerprint

 I am a disappointment to myself often.  Today we had agreed to specific plans for taxiing our young people places, and then is started to snow and to collect on the roads. . .When is it wisdom and when is it wimping out?

 Yep, I wimped out.  AND I didn't even ask directly for a change of plans.  So, yeah, I am disappointed in me.  On a good day, I don't like asking for help or creating a scheduling glitch for anyone.  Now several of my family members have been affected.  What will the final result be?  Unhappy and unhappy-with-me family members stuck with me and my mess.

 There's a commercial on tv at present, (I think it's for insurance of some kind, maybe?).  Scenes featuring young children dressed up like adults encountering frustrating out-of-their-control situations and reacting to the situations with typical adult responses captured my attention because that's how I feel right now.  I feel like a child who is trapped by a circumstance and who does not know how to respond to it beyond mimicking what I have seen others do in similar situations.  Inside I still feel like a child, unable to handle or to even understand what is happening.

 I have learned that this is indeed what is going on inside of me -- my "little girl" self, who never learned how to deal with this situation, is trying to figure out what to do.  And I have learned that Father God is the one to handle these types of situations, kinda like the insurance agent in the commercial.  So, I hand Him my disappointment, confusion, panic, frustration, and ask "little girl" if she will go to Him, trusting Him to handle all.  I am thankful and at peace knowing that He is THE answer to every problem.

  Nope, the lingering feelings of disappointment do not leave immediately.  Nope, the circumstances do not change.  But I am changed.  If I am going to find me, I will certainly make mistakes -- go down wrong paths, ignore right paths and miss the path altogether.  But He will always be with me, loving me, protecting me, nurturing me, comforting me, encouraging me, transforming me and so much more.

 Growing up is hard to do at this age, but I really, really, really do want to be whole and mature.  T'is a good start to 2015.

What does His fingerprint look like in your life right now?

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